Google doesn't know all

So I decided to finally sit down and research the government's new food pyramids and see what it was all about. After my search on Google, the website was taking a while to upload (and I'm not a patient person), so I scrolled down a bit further to see the other results. To my surprise, there was the website listed again, or so I thought. I decided to click on this one, just to see if it would get me there faster, and it did! I entered in my age and my sex and then had the option for "activity level" to choose how long I did moderate or vigorous exercise, "like playing video games or getting up to change the channel" in addition to my daily routine, and for how long, such as "less than 5 minutes," "6-10 minutes," or "more than 11 minutes" per day. This sounds a little fishy, does it not? So I got my results for what I should be eating daily, and now all I have to say is, well, two things: 1. Don't let websites such as www.mypyramid.org fool you into thinking that they're www.mypramid.gov, because these are two entirely different websites, and 2. you must check out www.mypyramid.org, just because it's hilarious.

Cover Letters

The cover letter is quite possibly the most torturous thing since the birth of Swedish death metal. I sit down at my computer. I stare. I wonder what my potential future employer will want to read and I ask myself, will all of this angst and sweat, all of this frustration over perfecting every phrase to sound just right in hopes of securing some job even be worth it? Will the employer even care enough to read past the first sentence? Perhaps that's why I'm having trouble starting. I want to be professional, but I want to avoid the mundane. I want to be unique, but not to the point of exhaustion, where the reader can tell I'm trying to be unique. And how am I supposed to fit my entire life experience, ambition, and purpose in life into a meager 400-word maximum letter while simultaneously aiming to convince this Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. that I am precisely and exactly the sole remaining person on this planet that's perfect for this job? Do I even care enough to try? Well, I must at least pretend to care, if I want to succeed (or so society tells me). So I fake it. And I write. And I regret that the only way to truly get what you want in this life is to pretend that you're someone you're not, to brag about your qualities that are truly superfluous, and to hand out mere samples of yourself when really what everybody else needs is a closer look.